Hollywood News Roundup

Things are quiet this morning at my palatial estate. I've already disciplined the pool boy for allowing a stray leaf to float around the pool last night, and I can't leave for breakfast until the Bentley is polished. So, I can devote some time to you, and I've noticed a few Hollywood news items that might be of interest.

Hollywood news is important. I used to read Politico and The Washington Post every morning, but now I check out the celebrity gossip while the coffee is brewing. It's just so exciting to take a peek at the goings on of these sophisticated celebrities. The heck with the Middle East and the European debt crisis.

Mila Kunis is the new face of Dior. She will appear in Dior's new spring/summer 2012 campaign. The actress gushed about how thrilled she is to work with the legendary Dior, saying, “The brand is so iconic in so many ways. It defines fashion, elegance and sophistication.”

I usually keep these things to myself, but I will confide that I considered pursuing this gig. Take a look at the photo and tell me—be honest—if you think I should have taken a shot at it.

Speaking of elegance and sophistication, Ms. Kunis appeared on the MTV Movie Awards last summer. Check it out! Justin Timberlake has his hands on her chest! Ha! Ha! How do they come up with this crazy stuff?

I couldn't hope to be half as sophisticated as those two, so I'll stop trying. But I will reconsider the Dior job when it opens again.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is going after Dr. Dre and Oscar de la Renta for marketing a pair of luxury headphones covered in fox fur. The headphones sell for $695 and are part of the Beats by Dre line. PETA chief Michelle Cho wrote the good doctor a letter to ask him to reconsider. If you look at these headphones, if there's any crime, it is against good taste.

I was poking around the internet and came across some photos of Michelle Cho prancing around topless in a snowstorm in Washington, DC, in December 2009. She was holding up a poster advocating some cause, but I didn't notice what it said. She should have brought Justin Timberlake along to keep her chest warm. I'm not too keen on protests, but I must say that I appreciate Ms. Cho's efforts in this case.

In January 2012, actress Olivia Munn appeared au naturel for PETA—lots of guys would like to have PETA's powers of persuasion—to protest against fur farms. Jim Edwards of Business Insider claimed the images were digitally altered. I will research this and get back to you. Regardless, Munn didn't expose herself as Cho had, which makes me question her commitment.

IN October 2011, PETA lobbied the producers of We Bought a Zoo, a 20^th Century Fox film starring Matt Damon and Scarlett Johansson, to add a warning at the end of the movie about the dangers of owning wild animals. In the film, Damon plays a father who turns around a struggling zoo.

PETA was concerned that the film might lead to a situation such as occurred in Zanesville, Ohio, in October 2011, when the owner of a wild animal preserve released his animals and took his life, resulting in the killing of 49 animals by authorities. The owner of the animals, Terry Thompson, had been warned repeatedly to control his animals, and was arrested in April 2005 for cruelty and torture of cattle and bison, according to ABC News.

Absent PETA's warning, I'm sure that viewers of We Bought a Zoo will turn out in droves to start their own zoos.

Access Hollywood reported on January 4 that Justin Timberlake—there he is again!—and Jessica Biel are engaged! All these exciting developments make me regret that I ignored Hollywood news for so long. What was I thinking? Here I was, wasting my time on productive activities. That all changes today. Save me a spot on the couch!

Lindsay Lohan had the words “Live without regrets” tattooed on her left wrist, says The Hollywood Gossip. Given her behavior in recent years, that could be a full-time job. Not too long ago, Lohan had Billy Joel lyrics tattooed on her rib cage. Deep.

I'll tell you one thing. Looking again at those Michelle Cho photos, she clearly has nothing tattooed on her upper body. I checked because I'm a journalist, and I need to know.

I have to go now, as I need to check that no other naked celebrities have tattoos on their bodies. I'll let you know what I find. But be patient. This might take a while.

A Year-Long Super Bowl, or What's a Few Leap Seconds Between Friends?: The Earth's rotation is slowing gradually. Eventually this will result in the Super Bowl taking up the entire year. Buy extra wings.

Your Questions Answered: People ask stupid questions. I have stupid answers. A person who answers stupid questions never runs out of material.

The World Will End in December 2012. Or Maybe Not.: Some believe the ancient Mayan calendar portends the end of the Earth in December 2012. Lil' Wayne agrees, and that settles it.