Make Your Own Food at Home

I was admiring my story on making your own laundry soap—I do this because of a surfeit of admirers other than myself—when I was struck by a thought. If you really want to save money, how about making your own food?

I have heard that people used to routinely prepare their own meals. Hey, I'm not making this up. I was watching Leave it to Beaver and there was Beaver's mom, plain as day, in the kitchen preparing food. So, I know it can be done.

Beaver's home was peculiar in some ways. That's because broadcasters in the 1950s had a code that they all followed. It was a voluntary code. In other words, they got together and decided that if they volunteered to behave themselves, then the government wouldn't kick their asses.

The National Association of Broadcasters Code of Broadcasting resulted in curious situations, such as Beaver's mom and dad sleeping in separate beds. I have to wonder whether Ward Cleaver might have occasionally slipped over to June's side of the room after the lights went out and the cameras were gone. Since they had two kids, it must have happened from time to time, or perhaps Mrs. Cleaver was friendly with the milkman.

But we were talking about food. I did some research on the internet and found some recipes for food. In fact, there are sites set up expressly to tell people how to cook food. So there you go.

Let's start with something simple. Say you stop by McDonald's each day and bring home nutritious Chicken McNuggets for your family's evening meal.

I read about a 17-year-old girl in England who has eaten nothing but McNuggets for 15 years, by the way. At least the issue of where to eat is settled when she goes out with 17-year-old boys. There is that minor issue of vitamin deficiency, since she has never consumed a fruit or vegetable, but what the hell. You only go around once. She's a nice looking girl, too. Very healthy looking, but looks can deceive.

Returning to the topic of your evening meal, you could continue driving by Mickie D's every day, or you could make your own nuggets! That's right. You can make your own.

Next time you go to the store, take a stroll down the frozen aisle. Lo and behold: frozen chicken nuggets! You can buy these things by the box, or even in big bags. Boca makes a meatless chicken nugget, which I don't understand at all. George Carlin would have had fun with that one.

Okay, buy your nuggets and remember to keep them in the freezer until you're ready to cook them. The freezer is the really cold part at the top of the refrigerator. It should have its own door, like the basement apartment you rent out, except this is at the top and it's cold inside, which may not be unlike the basement, come to think of it.

Put the nuggets on a plate. Put the plate in the microwave. That's a small oven that's probably on your countertop. I've included a photo for your reference. It's a pretty cool appliance because it doesn't get hot inside like a regular oven.

Heat the nuggets for a minute and a half. That's for six nuggets. If you're feeding a family, you'll need more nuggets, and you'll have to heat them a bit longer, maybe a minute more if you're heating 12 nuggets, for example. Remember to turn the nuggets over halfway through cooking. Hey, I didn't say this would be easy.

You can heat your nuggets (I don't like the sound of that) in a regular oven, but we'll save that advanced topic for another day, and we won't even consider deep-frying until you've mastered the fundamentals.

The microwave is a versatile tool that you can also use to heat frozen vegetables. Try heating some corn or peas to dress up your family's meal with some color. They don't have to eat the vegetables, but they do look nice on the plate.

You can serve the meal family-style, but I prefer to artfully arrange the food on individual plates, like they do at restaurants.

As a finishing touch, place bottles of savory dipping sauces on the table. You can buy these at the store as well. Look in the condiments aisle, which, by the way, has nothing to do with family planning.

You might wonder about the nutritional value of the meal you've just prepared. Let's take a look.

About.com tells us that a 92-gram (3.2-ounce) serving of Tyson nuggets—about five pieces—contains 280 calories, 18 grams of fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 490 milligrams of sodium, 16 grams of carbohydrates and 14 grams of protein.

McDonald's reports that a six-piece portion of Chicken McNuggets weighs 3.4 ounces and contains 280 calories, 18 grams of fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 540 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates and 13 grams of protein.

The nutrition figures are comparable, and you can take pride in having cooked your family's meal yourself. But how about the cost?

You can score a 67.2-ounce bag of Tyson nuggets at Sam's Club for ten bucks. That's less than fifty cents per serving. At that price, you can afford to toss some microwave fries on the side, although that will require extra work.

Spend More to Make Your Own Laundry Soap: Why buy laundry soap when you can spend more and make your own? You can do the same with meat and illegal drugs. Trust me.