Poetry: Words Count, As Do Chicken Thighs

Before me is the Wiktionary word frequency list for contemporary poetry. Its days may be numbered, as it has been nominated for deletion; it has been suggested that it “achieves nothing”. It's achieving something now. I intend to analyze this list and report my conclusions.

The Wiktionary list presents the 2,000 most common words in order of frequency, as found in over 511,000 words of contemporary poetry. The list does not define “contemporary”, so we don't know if it covers poetry of the last 10 years or the last 40 years. We will skip all the articles and personal pronouns that populate the top of the list and concentrate on words of consequence.

At number 30 is “like”, with “love” close behind at position 34. That seems reasonable, particularly since “like” can be used in ways other than to just say, “I like you” (and you should like before you love in any case). For example, the poet might say, “Loving you is like kissing my sister" (and I would feel sorry for that poet). Incidentally, “kiss” is far down the list, at number 310, two spots below the F word. It's nice to know that poets have their priorities right.

“Screw” is at 1,609, by the way, and you'll find “condom” down at number 1,879. Stop right now and see if you can come up with a meaningful verse using either of those words.

I almost forgot “naked” (1,352). This is a good one. You could be naked as a jaybird or, as is common in poetry, your soul may be naked, or the poet could up the ante and invoke God. Naked before God? Can't beat that.

What's at the bottom of the list? “Weary”, at number 2,000. You're probably weary of reading this story. But I intend to torment you for a while longer. “Torment”, number 1,921.

“Thigh” is down at number 1,994. I just read a poem with that word, and I'll have you know it has nothing to do with chicken, which is not on the list. This poem mentions “scented elm thighs”. I have no idea what that means. In a pinch I could go with “slippery elm thighs”.

“Squeeze” is at number 1,989. I've been known to squeeze a thigh in my day, but that all ended when I got married. Really.

Bette Midler used to employ a group of singers called Thunder Thighs. “Thunder”, number 1,219. I'm surprised that “silken” didn't make the cut. Silken thighs; what's not to like? Unless you can't squeeze them. But I find chicken thighs to be quite succulent in any case.

“Honey” is number 1,508, “baby” 481, “darling” 1,373, “angel” 479. “Sweetheart” is nowhere to be found. Ouch. At 1,332 is “whore”. Remember that this is contemporary poetry. At least “ho” didn't make the list, although “bitch” appears at 931. I don't recall seeing “bitch” or “whore” in poems by Walt Whitman or Emily Dickinson.

At 875 is the word “six”. What is that all about? I did find a hub written by a man who has had six wives (plus a current seventh). He's not a poet, but he is clearly a glutton for punishment. He claims to have become the person he is, thanks to his first six wives. I hate to break it to him, but I am who I am, and it didn't take me six wives to get there.

I'm not surprised to find “million” at number 1,031. Poets love millions. I thought they liked “infinite”, but it didn't make the cut. So, you'll find no “infinite void” in these poems, although “void” does appear in position 1,659. Sorry; no “cosmos”.

I found a poem that uses “millions” twice, and includes “belt”, which doesn't even make the list. I like “belt”. I would expect to see that word more often in country music, as in “belt one down”, but in this case it's a noun, used in the figurative sense. It's not a real belt; this is poetry.

“God” and “soul” appear in succession at positions 218 and 219. That's nice.

“Arm” is at 252, “leg” at 584. Sorry, no “elbow”, but I'm still giddy about “thigh”, so that's okay.

The thigh is a great piece of chicken, very much like white meat, but priced more like dark (256). “Wing” is at 636 (and “prayer” at 1,213), “bone” at 653. I prefer boneless.

After you eat all that chicken, I advise you to visit “weight” (886) and “control” (666).

“Cross” (649) is followed by “dress” (650). 'Nuff said.

“Inhale” is at 1,967. I thought that would place higher. Poets like to inhale someone's essence, or sometimes the scent of a person or place. I used to inhale Marlboros, but that was a long time ago.

“Monkey” makes the list at 1,739. Sorry, no giraffe, lion or tiger. Ditto for zebra. But “pig” appears at 1,607, “snake” occupies position 1,360, “dog” is way up there at 667 and “cat” is at 859. That settles the “cat vs. dog” argument, at least as it concerns poets. But there's still the chicken situation.

Relationship Advice from a Clueless Male: The rules that govern relationships are complex. I pretend to understand these rules, and even act as if I can dispense good advice.

Spend More to Make Your Own Laundry Soap: Why buy laundry soap when you can spend more and make your own? You can do the same with meat and illegal drugs. Trust me.

Make Your Own Food at Home: People used to cook their own food. Really. You can do it too, with a quick visit to the grocery store's frozen section. See, cooking is easy!